Give kids a chance to play independently. A lot of their day requires discipline. “Sit Still”, “Don’t touch,” “Use your inside voice.” After a while, they need to let out the tension they’ve been holding in.
When Payton was about four years old and Mary was two, we took a road trip to southern Oregon. We spent several hours driving to get there. Payton and Mary sat still, buckled up, only the usual minor complaints (“Are we there yet?”). We were all happy to arrive – we were with family at the beautiful Oregon Coast. The next day, my in-laws told us we were going to see the Redwoods. Sounded great! But they didn’t mention it would require another two hours of driving (one-way). Once there, the kids had to follow the rules “go this way,” “stay on the path,” “don’t run ahead.” Had I been more confident in my role as a daughter-in-law, I would have asked to wait a day before making the kids get back in the car. They needed, and deserved, a day on the beach, running, yelling, getting their wiggles out. But the plan had been declared and I seemed to be the only person questioning it. So we went.
When Payton was fourteen, we went on another road trip. This time we were with my in-laws and my sister-in-law and her family. My nephew – a darling, inquisitive toddler, adored Payton and wanted to spend all of his time with him. Payton enjoyed his cousin, too. During a hike they’d chat. Payton listened patiently as his cousin peppered him with questions, and Payton gave piggyback rides when he got tired. Afterwards, Payton was ready for time to himself. He hid away in the upper bunk of the RV, listening to music. We supported it, and so did my sister-in-law. “Where’s Payton?” his cousin would ask. “He’s taking some quiet time right now,” we’d reply. Once dinner was ready, Payton re-engaged. He was there when we needed him to be, and, I believe he showed up well because he’s a great kid – and because we gave him the space he needed.
The Frampton Clan 