On Sunday, Mary declared, “I need another college conversation.” “Okay” we replied and, at about 5pm Mary came marching downstairs with the dry erase board.
These ‘college conversations’ are Mary’s chance to tell us her thoughts about her college choices. Mary had applied to nine schools. She’d been accepted to several. She was having trouble deciding…which one should she accept?
During the first ‘college conversation’ Mary and Chad sat at our kitchen table while I made dinner. We told Mary to tell us everything she was thinking about her college options. Chad wrote down key points and themes, organizing them on the board (Chad and I have project management backgrounds…this came very naturally to him).
Mary went through every school, with diligent detail. We asked clarifying questions to make sure we understood. We shared observations.
After her and my trip out East, it seemed like University of Rochester and University of Vermont were at the top. Both schools are situated in beautiful surroundings and the architecture is classic – brick and/or stone buildings surrounding grassy courtyards. But over the past several weeks she talked more about soccer. And as she went through her pros and cons of each school, she said clearly, “I want to keep playing.”
“Soccer sounds really important to you. What if you accepted IIT’s offer today?”
This was the question Chad and I had been asking ourselves. Mary had been recruited by the coach at IIT, and Chicago was one of the cities she wanted to be in. She’d had other college coaches reach out, but they were in geographies she wasn’t interested in – like the entire West Coast. The IIT coach had been talking to Mary since the summer. Mary and I made a trip to Chicago, and he’d given Mary a tour of the school and told her about the team.
She shared two concerns – the cost. IIT was more expensive than the other schools. She’d have to take out more in student loans. It was an amount we knew she could handle, but is astronomically more money than she’s ever thought about.
The majors. IIT, as expected, has more tech focused majors and she didn’t have quite as many options as the other schools in her area of interest, environmental science.. “What majors does IIT have?” She listed them. There were several. Enough to keep it on the list.
The environment. It wasn’t a concern, but it was a variable. IIT architecture was designed by Mies van der Rohe between 1938 and 1960. It was designed with a modern influence which, during that time, meant a lot of concrete. Compare that to Loyola, which is right on Lake Michigan, has white stone buildings and a student center with a wall of glass overlooking the water. Easy to imagine studying there. And to the University of Rochester where the library felt like Hogwarts. Mary has been taught to consider every college as if she wasn’t playing soccer. Even if she went to IIT and played, what if she got injured? Would she still be happy there?
Loyola would be cheaper. But she didn’t have an offer to play soccer. Rochester would be beautiful but it would be the most expensive. Even more than IIT. She could walk on the soccer team. But it wasn’t a given.
At the end of our first ‘college conversation’ we had no closure. The only thing that was clear was that Mary didn’t know. She’d need more time. The hardest part was that we couldn’t do anything. There wasn’t any information we could dig up. No more spreadsheets we could build (Chad had created a spreadsheet outlining the cost of each school). All we could do was be available to talk and……wait.
Mary was tense. We all felt it. She’d wonder aloud what else she could/should do. What if I could play soccer at Loyola? Should I email the coach? What if I go to IIT and find I don’t like the major options? What if I choose my school because I can play soccer…is that bad? What if…….?
When she announced she was ready for another conversation, it was a small relief. We were eager to hear her most recent thoughts. She spent several minutes updating the board.. Then she said, “Okay, I’m ready.”
Mary proceeded to tell us all of the reasons she believes IIT is the right school for her. I won’t go into them here. It doesn’t matter. What mattered was seeing her confidence. She had made some decisions about her priorities and IIT hit the mark. She seemed satisfied. Content. Happy. I felt intense relief. And joy. All we wanted was for Mary to be happy, and we could see she was. “What do you think?” she asked.
“I think it’s great.”
Chad agreed.
I clapped and cheered.
Mary smiled. Then she emailed the coach. The next day he responded, “welcome to the team.”
And that was it.
The Frampton Clan 