It was a random day in May, and we were in San Francisco. Mary had a soccer tournament nearby and we arrived a day early so we could explore the city. It was the five of us – me, Chad, Mary, Emily and Ellie.
We started the day by taking the BART from Dublin into San Francisco then the bus to Golden Gate Park. There we rented bikes and cycled our way through the eastern half of the park towards the Japanese Tea Gardens. There’s a ton to see in the Park, but with only one day, we had to pick. A kind man noticed me looking at the Park map and asked where we were headed. I told him, and he offered to show us the way. Also on a bike, he led us straight there. It was further than I’d expected and not as simple as the map appeared. We were grateful.
The Japanese Garden had a little something for everyone. Emily was excited to see Koi jump in the pond. Mary felt satisfied seeing the neatly groomed rock garden, and Ellie took the opportunity to take pictures of the sunlight dappling through the Japanese maples. I wanted to stop for tea in the open air tea house. It was only 11am, and we weren’t really hungry, but it seemed like an opportunity we shouldn’t skip. So we sat and had tea and cookies. We justified it by saying we’d have a late lunch after our ride across the Golden Gate Bridge.
Our plan was to ride our bikes to, and across, the Bridge, then back to the Fisherman’s Wharf where we’d drop the bikes and get lunch. To get to the bridge we rode 3-miles. The paths were nice and we looped near some affluent neighborhoods. The ride across the bridge proved stressful. It was loud and full of people and other riders. Squeezing next to the guardrails to avoid hitting pedestrians was challenging. Our handlebars occasionally nicked the rail or other bikers’ handlebars. Needless to say, that wasn’t the highlight of our trip. But, we could say we’d done it – we’d ridden across the Golden Gate Bridge.
It was about 2 o’clock when we rode off the Bridge. Everyone was hungry. Sustenance from the tea and cookies was used up. It was time for a real meal. Sticking to our plan, we rode another mile to drop off the bikes. Then we walked to nearby Ghirardelli Square where we found a bench. The sun was shining, and we sat for a short rest while I used Yelp to look up food options. Being in Fisherman’s Wharf, we knew the focus would be seafood, but we heard the food options were plentiful, so we assumed there would be several – including vegetarian options – nearby.
People throughout the square were eating delicious looking Ghirardelli ice cream sundays. The twins were eyeing those, but we’d already eaten treats. I knew Mary wanted and needed real food (Emily and Ellie did too, but they can live happily off sweets). So I searched for healthy vegetarian options. They weren’t as prolific as we’d hoped.
I was using two phones, mine and Chad’s. I found a place, then passed the phone to someone to look at the menu. When they were done, they passed it to the next person. Using the second phone I found another place, uploaded the menu, and passed the phone. By then, the first phone came back with a declaration “sounds good” or “I didn’t see anything good.” Mary and Chad liked most of the options, Ellie didn’t like any of them, and Emily was lukewarm about all of them. This is normal – we never find a place everyone is excited about, so when I heard Ellie say, “I’m okay with this one,” I checked the distance – 0.4 miles away. “This is it,” I declared.
We got up and started walking with a fierce determination, following the directions of my Apple phone. Everyone was quiet, focused on getting to the food. The hangaries hovered nearby, recognizing the weakness of their prey.
We walked up a short hill, then past a park. My phone told us to take a right at the next street. Emily heard it and looked ahead. She quietly asked me, “Are we going up that?”
“Yep,” I replied. To our dismay, ahead to the right was a giant hill.
Seattle is a hilly city, but San Francisco has it beat. I knew this might send the others over the edge. I also knew we couldn’t change our minds – stopping and looking through Yelp again would create no less frustration.
I kept walking without looking back. Chad and Ellie were behind us. Mary marched past me and Emily in silence.
Despite being tired herself, Emily chatted quietly, taking note of cute dogs and commenting on the architecture of the houses we passed. As we climbed, I noticed Lombard street to our right – the most crooked street in the world. I pointed it out but didn’t stop – no one was in the mood.
At the very top, we found the restaurant. It was a pick-up window. No seating. We stood awkwardly on the street corner looking at the menu – the five of us taking up most of the sidewalk, trying to make space for others passing by.
The menu was taped to the window, but instead of looking and finding what she would order, Ellie sat down on the sidewalk and stuffed her head between her legs. This was her way of declaring her dissatisfaction with everything – the place, the location, the situation….all of it.
The ordering process took a while, and we had to work through some confusion. At one point, Mary declared she wanted to eat and then leave. She didn’t mean leave the street corner – she meant leave San Francisco. She’d had enough. I suggested we wait to make any decisions until after we’ve eaten. Mary grumbled something derogatory in response.
Somehow Emily kept herself from going to the dark side.
She quietly took her phone, knelt down beside Ellie and worked with her to find something Ellie would eat. While we were waiting for our food, Emily approached me and asked if I was doing okay. I’d moved away from the family, feeling a bit hurt by the tension because it felt like it was being directed at me. I was also frustrated that we’d let our great day be overcome by the darkness of the hangaries.
“Yeah, I’m okay,” I replied half-heartedly. Clearly I wasn’t.
Emily smiled. She admitted that she’s usually the one with the hangaries. But, for some reason, she wasn’t feeling mad. She stood with me, chatting. I don’t remember what we talked about (sorry Emily). I remember the kindness of her gesture. Her simple acts lifted some of the negative sentiment away so, instead of descending into anger and self pity, I noticed the sunshine, the smiles of the people passing by and the tasty food (after all of that, the food really was good).
Without Emily, this could have been a whole lot worse. She was the bright spot. She showed me how kindness and small gestures can make a valuable difference.
After eating everyone was in better spirits, but we never recovered. Even our return to Ghirardelli Square and the chocolate shop didn’t turn the tide. So, Chad ordered an Uber and we headed back to Dublin.
If I had to do it over, I might have gotten Emily and Elle crepes or something. There was a spot near where we’d dropped off the bikes. Something small and quick and then looked for Mary’s healthy option. But I didn’t know Ellie was so far gone. I mostly wish Mary and Ellie would learn from the past. Learn that how they’re feeling is temporary. Learn and accept that we were doing our best. And learn from their sister – kindness goes a long way.
Especially after such a nice day.
The Frampton Clan 