Author: Gretchen Frampton

It was a five hour drive from Poughkeepsie to Rochester, so we got up early and were on the road by 8am. We arrived after 1pm and, although we had a tour scheduled, we were hungry, so we took time to eat before going to the school. Using Yelp again, we found The Red Fern, an all vegan restaurant (good start, Rochester!). As we drove off the highway toward the restaurant, we quickly entered tree lined streets filled with beautiful New England style homes. And it wasn’t just one street, every time we turned, there were more trees and more homes, intermixed with small businesses, shops and restaurants. We had to eat quickly to make the tour, so we took one of the last outdoor seats available. The food was delicious. We arrived at the school just minutes after the tour was scheduled to start. Thanks to some minor confusion between me and Mary, she didn’t realize we were late until we got there. I was silently grateful because she didn’t stress out until that moment. We noticed several small groups leaving the Welcome Center, and, assuming those were school tours, we quietly joined one. The tour guide didn’t flinch (pretty sure he couldn’t have cared less). 

The tour of the University of Rochester started by entering a stunning courtyard. Large maple trees lined the pathways. The buildings surrounding the greenspace were stone and brick with ivy growing over the top. The first building we entered was the library.  Every school tour took us through their library. For the most part, they were study areas. Maybe a few token book shelves but mostly tables and chairs and some computers. Rochester wasn’t any different, but the study spaces were stunning. Rich wood and soft cushioned seating created the warm feeling of sitting in a living room (or, as Mary later put it, like sitting at Hogwarts). 

Study spaces turned out to be a highlight of the school. They’d intentionally created lots of different types of spaces – collaborative spaces with moveable desks and white boards, nooks for quieter collaboration and silent areas for deep thinking. Even one of the dining halls had a beautiful spot – a wall of windows with greenery and tables and chairs. There were lots of places on campus I could picture Mary enjoying. 

After the tour Mary was feeling antsy to exercise. So we agreed she’d jog back to the apartment where we were staying. It was about 2.5 miles and mostly along business and residential streets. She had her phone if she needed me. So, off she went. I wouldn’t have let her jog by herself in Troy or Poughkeepsie. I wasn’t worried about her jogging in Rochester. 

That night, we stayed in a loft apartment near downtown Rochester. It was a splurge. We found it on VRBO. It had a brick interior with hardwood floors and a concrete kitchen island that seats six (aka it’s huge). This space gave us the chance to unwind comfortably. We picked up food from Trader Joe’s and cooked for ourselves. Then Mary worked on homework, I worked on my blog, then we watched movies.

The next morning was our final school visit: Rochester Institute of Technology. Originally located in downtown Rochester, a decision was made in 1961 to move it to the suburban town of Henrietta. I confess, as we drove there we passed through farmland and I thought to myself, “this isn’t the place for Mary.” But I said nothing. I still need to let Mary tell me her thoughts first. 

The campus is sprawling. We stopped at a school map and a kind woman asked where we were headed. She introduced herself – she works in admissions – and she walked us to the biosciences building. She shared that she’d been a student at RIT studying hospitality. After working with some large companies, she was recruited back to RIT and she’s loved it ever since. This year, her 18 year old son was starting his Freshman year there. She wished Mary a great visit and luck in her search, then left us to explore. After some meandering about the buildings and a few pictures (Mary was getting a bit reluctant after pictures at four schools), we headed to the Welcome Center and started our tour. 

Spencer was a wealth of knowledge. The most noticeable thing about RIT – students have access to world class technology. Example: RIT staff and students created The Vader – a liquid metal 3D printer. I think he said it was the first in the world. Next to the machine sat a funky electric guitar that was created using Vader. Manufacturing – they have machines I can’t name that are being used to create sustainable packaging. Spencer’s major is graphic design, and he said he loves the combination of arts and sciences he’s found at RIT.  

Once the tour was over, Mary declared she’d seen what she needed, so we headed back to downtown Rochester. I’m pretty sure Mary was ready to be done with school tours. Five tours in five days is a lot for someone to take in. This is a big decision and I know a lot was going through her mind.

We went back to the Red Fern for lunch. The sun was shining and we chose an outdoor table. We had tea and vegan bowls and shared our thoughts about each school. I kept my statements to simple observations. I had strong opinions at that point, but I kept them to myself. Even if I’m right about where she ends up, the point is for her to make the decision for herself, and this is the biggest decision she’ll make in her life so far. She deserves space and time. I was a little surprised, but pleased, when Mary offered to tell me her top two choices: University of Vermont and the University of Rochester. I totally agreed. These were precisely the two schools at the top of my list for Mary, based on what I’d learned is important to her. Mary admitted she was kind of relieved that I agreed with her. That made me smile. Kids do care what we think; they just want to be able to come to their own conclusion first.

A Tough Decision. Mary’s college tours are done, now she just has to make a decision. I know she’ll continue processing all of her options – (I haven’t even told you about soccer and how that’s playing into everything). She’s submitted all of her applications, and schools will send their decisions over the coming months – some choices might be made for her. After seeing her options, including those in Chicago, I have confidence Mary will land in a great place. I’ll let you know!

The drive to Rensselaer was beautiful. It’s in Troy, NY which is almost three hours away from Burlington. In my last post, I made a note to myself to schedule college visits before daylight savings, and this thought was reinforced by the trees. They were past their prime. Still beautiful, but we could see the potential for amazing beauty if only we’d arrived a few weeks earlier. Arriving in Troy it felt a bit like the trees – past its prime. The architecture of the buildings is beautiful – it was easy to picture a thriving town with shops and community life. But that’s not the feeling we got that day. I wondered how badly COVID had hurt Troy. Or, maybe Troy is in the process of rebuilding itself. We drove to a small Korean restaurant we found on Yelp – Sunhee’s Farm and Kitchen. A small, quaint building among not much else. Welcoming staff and simple, very tasty food. We were pleasantly surprised to find vegetarian options so easily. This became an important point of our visits. Mary eats vegetarian and, if she can, also vegan. Food matters, so the options available in each place would matter, too. 

After lunch we headed to the school for our tour. Awkward at first, because no one else was there, we ended up getting a private tour with a spunky, fun, lacrosse playing girl named Riley. The weather was dreary – gray clouds hung overhead. Thank goodness for Riley! Her energy and enthusiasm for the school and for her experience gave Rensselaer a chance it might not have had otherwise (that’s my opinion…I still haven’t asked Mary).

Riley took us through multiple buildings, talked about their internship programs and shared her experience as a student-athlete. Mary would love to play soccer in college. She had several schools express interest, but only one of them was on her college list. Listening to Riley talk about the structure and sense of community she gets from being on the lacrosse team made me feel like this would be great for Mary too. I imagined that was only making Mary’s choice harder. As we left Rensselaer Mary mentioned that she really liked the red brick buildings.

The next day was Marist College, in Poughkeepsie, NY. Grand and green. I was taken aback as we arrived – the entrance unmistakably marked by massive stone pillars. The rest of the campus fell in line. The Admissions Center is a huge glass front building with a concrete dome on top. To the right an expansive greenspace overlooking the Hudson River. One funny thing, inside the Admissions Center, the hallways smelled like maple syrup. Coincidence or strategic marketing? ……

The director of admissions was kind enough to introduce himself and talk with us before the tour started. He recognized the distance we’d traveled and wanted to meet Mary (very nice touch, Marist!). Our tour guide was a local from New York. She clearly loves the school and wanted to be close to home. Campus life seemed focused within the campus. They offer trips into NYC, which is only about 75 minutes away. After the tour, we were hungry. It was about 2:30pm and we hadn’t eaten since breakfast. The tour guide recommended Lola’s, a small local spot nearby. Another hidden gem with several vegetarian options. While there, we chatted with an older couple sitting next to us. They’d raised their kids in Poughkeepsie and were getting ready to welcome their first grandchild into the world. They tipped us off to the Walkway Over the Hudson, an old railroad bridge turned into a walking path spanning the Hudson river between the town of Lloyd and the city of Poughkeepsie. As we walked along it, Mary commented, “this would be a nice play to go for a run.” “Sure would be” was all I replied. 

Last stop: Rochester, NY

My next several posts will be about a trip my daughter and I took to the Northeast to look at colleges. Before I start, I want to acknowledge that this trip, and the following posts, are possible because I come from a place of privilege. I’m a white woman living in Seattle, in a professional, well paying job. Granted, you could say all of my life is a result of privilege. That’s fair. I felt it more keenly writing these posts, and I wanted to recognize it openly.

My oldest daughter, Mary, and I are visiting colleges this week. The process of finding a college is truly daunting. There are so many options. I’m grateful for the help she’s gotten from a college coach, Abby. We’re privileged to be able to afford the help. Ironically, one of the ways she helped Mary was to inform her just how expensive places like Boston College are…and which ones will, and won’t, be likely to give financial aid (Mary crossed Boston College off the list).

Mary is looking at schools away from home – Chicago, Vermont and New York. I’d probably feel badly that she wants to go so far from home except that I did the same thing (I grew up in Oregon and went to school in Washington D.C.). My choice had nothing to do with not wanting to be near my family, so I understand Mary’s desire to try something new (and, after leaving the West Coast for college, I returned several years after and have been here ever since. As the saying goes…”if you love something, let it go…”).

Chicago schools are near family. My brother lives there with his wife and two daughters. They’re hopefully optimistic she’ll be close to them. Selfishly, we’d love to be able to visit them while visiting Mary.

The schools in VT and NY are outliers – Abby helped her pick them. They have the majors she’s interested in, they’re small to medium sized student populations, and they’re in the Northeast. Mary liked what she saw on the virtual campus tours. But how could you pick from a virtual tour? Mary needed to see the schools in person. Thus, the purpose of our trip.

We started in Burlington, VT to visit UVM, The University of Vermont (Universitas Viridis Montis, Latin for “University of the Green Mountains”). Flying into a small airport makes things easy – we got our rental car within 10 minutes after getting our baggage. We stayed in a VRBO near campus, which also happened to be near the downtown area. It was about 5pm by the time we got unpacked and were ready to explore, but it was already dark out (note to self and others…schedule college visits before daylight savings). Exploring a new place at night isn’t ideal. Good thing the Church Street Marketplace uses lots of white lights. 

The Marketplace is lovely. Walking streets lined with shops and restaurants and decorated with white lights. I remembered Mary’s reaction to DePaul University, where we sat outside at a pizzeria among the brownstone townhomes. She’d liked it there, so I knew she was enjoying this,too. But I didn’t ask. I shared my own observations, but I didn’t want to push Mary to draw any conclusions too quickly. We’re processors – we need time to digest what we’re experiencing and process our thoughts. My job was to help Mary experience each school and the surrounding areas so, after we leave, she can make the best choice for her. So, I kept my statements to things like, “Oh, this is lovely” and avoided things like “Oh, this is lovely, and I can totally picture you here!”

The next day we headed for the University. Mary had arranged for a tour at each school. We were able to go into buildings and hear the students’ perspective. One of the other Moms asked some great questions. “What classes did you take your Freshman year?” “Where do you like to study?” “If you needed a reference from a professor today, who would you ask and why?” I took notes for future reference.

Next up: Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, NY.