Disappointment is part of life, and it’s hard to face. Even harder when our kids face it. But it’s counterproductive to rescue them from it. Our job is to teach our kids how to work through it and show them they’re strong enough to handle it.
So, when your kids don’t make the soccer team, or lose their favorite toy, or don’t perform well in their recital, consider these three steps:
- Share empathy and understanding
- Give space
- Help them build a plan
Share empathy and understanding
“I’m sorry. You must be so disappointed.” Give a hug (or lots of them). If they make comments about being clumsy or stupid (self shaming is a common reaction), make sure they know what happened to them happens to others. “I drop my phone all the time, I can’t believe your screen cracked so badly. I’m sorry, that’s tough.”
Give space.
Crying never hurt anyone. And it can be very therapeutic. Remember those deep cries? The cries that exhaust you? But afterwards, you feel almost cleansed. Let your kids cry.
Help them build a plan.
“What do you want to do?” They’ll probably get quiet. This is when they’re realizing you’re not going to fix it for them. Let that sink in. “What options do you have?” It’s okay to help them come up with ideas, especially if they don’t know their options. And then, let them do the work.
The Frampton Clan 