This page is a collection of things I’ve learned from others or through trial and error. Many of these tips are, or will be, part of a blog post. Adding here for easy reference. Curious what you think!
Tired of being at your child’s beck and call? Help them help themselves. Put dishes where they can reach them. We put our small glasses and bowls in a bottom drawer in our kitchen. When one of them said, “Mom, I’m thirsty!” I’d reply, “Okay. You can reach the glasses and there’s water or milk. Your choice.” I’d stay right where I was (probably folding laundry).
Say “yes” to treats, with boundaries. We encourage our kids to have one treat a day. They get to enjoy it without overdoing it. And, they’re forced to choose. Do they want the cookie at school? Or a piece of chocolate cake they know is waiting for them at home? Their choice. They learn early how to consider the pros and cons of delayed gratification.
Never leave the house without snacks. Helps me and my kids avoid the hangries. Theme was usually crunchy and creamy – cut up apples with cheese or peanut butter; carrots and radishes with hummus, peanut butter stuffed pretzels (Trader Joe’s).
Save your living room by creating space for the kids stuff somewhere else. The six of us lived in a 1,100 square foot, 3-bedroom home for several years. My husband and I both get stressed out when the house is a mess. We don’t expect the kids to be as neat as we are, so we created a compromise. They have to clean up our ‘common areas’ when they’re done playing. But their rooms don’t have to be neat. They can toss their things in and shut the door. Out of sight, out of mind (truthfully, that only works for me. Chad still stresses out, but keeping a tidy room isn’t a battle I’m willing to fight). Note: food not allowed in bedrooms. We didn’t want to find forgotten science experiments.
Laundry. The never ending chore. I hate it. And we do it every day. Since they were old enough to dress themselves, the kids have been responsible for putting their dirty clothes in one of our two laundry baskets. We wash and fold the laundry. Then we set piles of their clean laundry in their rooms (on the floor, on their desk, on their bed…wherever). It’s their choice if they put it away or just take front the pile on the floor. Nope, it’s not very neat. And yes, the piles on the floor often look like a pile of dirty laundry. But it’s their room. Their zone. Out of sight, out of mind.
When the kids are young, consider putting their beds in the same room. I got the tip from a friend who has five kids. She said she loved the companionship created by the quiet conversations they’d have before bed. I loved that. We put two bunk beds in our middle room and all of the toys in the other. They slept that way for several years.
Give choices. 3 outfits. 3 snacks. 3 restaurants. 3 dinner options. We set the parameters by picking the options; the kids get final say. I’m convinced we had fewer temper tantrums as a result.
Make eye contact. I’m not very good at this. Busy with my job and the kids and all of the activities I am often swirling about trying to keep everything going. I’m rushing down the hall to grab something when one of my kids wants my attention. More often than I’d like to admit, I answer without even looking at them. This takes its toll. And it can come out in temper tantrums – loud ones when they’re young, silent ones when they’re older.
Kids want to be seen. And heard. There’s no easier way to do it than by making eye contact when you talk with them.
Artwork – what to do with it? In elementary school kids come home with new art every week. The refrigerator fills up quickly. And the new stainless steel surfaces aren’t magnetic, so the options are fewer. We solved this by getting a picture frame for each child. They pick one of their art pieces for display (clearly only works with 2D). They can update it when they create something new or they just want something different displayed. That’s not enough for you? Add more frames!
Change hand towels in the kitchen and bathroom every day. When my kids were little, I didn’t have much confidence they were thoroughly washing their hands (what kid does?). I was grossed out when I’d go to dry my hands and the towel was wet. So I started changing the hand towels every day. I don’t have any hard evidence, but I’m convinced this helped us stay healthier. With COVID hand washing and sanitizer are so prevalent we might be a bit too obsessed about cleanliness. I change my towels anyway.
Need to have an important conversation with your kids? Make it 2 minutes. I learned this from a someone who came to our Elementary School PTA meeting (I can’t remember her name! I’ll keep looking and update the post as soon as I find it). The topic: how to talk to your kids about sex. She shared a lot of great info. The most valuable advice to me: don’t have THE talk, have several 2-minute conversations. Everyone already feels awkward talking about sex, so don’t make it such a big deal. Also, your goal is to create an open door so your kids are willing to come and talk or ask questions. Trying to have a one-way “this is how it is” defeats the purpose. I’ve used this so many times – to talk about sex, puberty, money, friends….anytime I want to open a door for conversation.
Drive your kid’s carpool. To school, sports, any event. If there’s a carpool, volunteer. Kids forget you’re there and you learn a lot from the chatter in the backseat. Stay quiet. It’s not about you and you don’t want to remind them you’re there.
The Frampton Clan 