This year I’m tossing aside the New Year’s Resolution and replacing it with an Atomic Habit, inspired by James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. I first heard about this via Brene Brown’s podcast Dare to Lead where she talks with James about his book. Throughout the podcast he shares simple, straightforward approaches to building good habits and breaking bad ones that made me wonder, why haven’t I done this sooner?
My Atomic Habit
For years I’ve imagined how fun it would be to play the piano. I took lessons for a couple of years during grade school (aka centuries ago). Our daughter Ellie plays, and I’ve really enjoyed listening to her practice (benefit of working from home). She chooses sad, moving songs and plays with emotion – you see it as she leans into the keys and then leans back, slowly lifting her fingers at the end of a note. She’s a Freshman in high school, and I sometimes think about the piano after she leaves. It will sit idle if no one can play it.
So, I wondered, maybe I could re-learn. I’ve had that thought a few times, but I quickly put it aside when I think about how packed our schedules are. How could I possibly fit more in? Four kids (okay three, one is in college now), a full-time job. Just keeping up with life is a lot. Two things came together that inspired me to go for it – I heard about Atomic Habits and it was Christmastime.
2-minutes a day
One of James’ points is that establishing a habit can, and should, start with as little as 2-minutes a day. Sure, to get really good at something you’ll have to commit more time than that. But another of James’ points – you can’t improve a habit before you’ve established it as a habit. The purpose of starting with 2-minutes is to build the habit first. “I practice a little every day” is more convincing than “I practiced for 40 minutes a few weeks ago.” To be clear – the person I’m convincing is myself. I’m building evidence that I’m the person I want to be – a piano player. Starting with 2-minutes a day also eliminates a lot of friction or barriers that I might face if I tried to commit more than that. And, James believes, starting small can still lead to big change over time – aka atomic.
As for Christmastime – I adore this time of year, especially the lights, the baking and the carols. I’ve always loved the idea of playing and/or singing carols with family and friends. So, picking a song would be easy.
“Ellie,” I declared, “I want to learn how to play ‘Silent Night’.”
Ellie didn’t hesitate. She got on her phone, looked up some sheet music and printed it. Then she sat down with me.
Ellie helped me work through the first few notes. First with my right hand. I kept trying to play the short notes quickly; she encouraged me to slow down. She told me not to worry about the pace while I learned the notes. She had me repeat “Silent Night, Holy Night” several times. Then we added the left hand. I repeated it several times with both hands.. “Silent Night, Holy Night.” Then she said, “That’s good for today.”
“Wait, that’s it?”
“Yeah, we’ll learn more tomorrow.”
The next day, Ellie sat with me again. I repeated “Silent Night, Holy Night“ several times. Then we added “All is calm”. First the right hand, then the left, then together.
Then we stopped.
Unknowingly, Elie reinforced the 2-minute habit, and it was working. Even just two stanzas at a time. By doing them often (I confess I didn’t practice EVERY day) I was making progress. By Christmas, I could play the whole song. I stumble, but I don’t mind. I’m enjoying it. And I don’t feel the angst of having made a commitment I cannot keep.
Next December, I’ll play “Silent Night” again, and, hopefully, I’ll add “Jingle Bells” to my short repertoire. In the meantime, I need to find a new song, so I can keep the habit.
“Ellie…..”
Side note: After writing this, I realized I’m showing my kids we’re never too old to learn something new. That includes being okay with not being very good. I stumble on simple notes. I feel a little embarrassed. But I remind myself that’s part of learning. If they see me comfortable making mistakes and working through them, maybe they’ll give themselves grace when they’re learning something new.
The Frampton Clan 