Anxiety is showing up in moments I wouldn’t have expected.
Recently I was out of town, attending a work offsite. During the happy hour I received two phone calls from an unfamiliar number. The only people who call me are my family. Friends text, even if only to ask if I have time to talk. Calls from unknown numbers tend to be junk, so I ignored them.
Later, during dinner, I realized I had a third call from the same number. The persistence made me wonder, then I noticed the voicemails. Spam callers don’t leave voicemails, so I got up from the dinner table and listened. It was the Seattle Public Schools Contact Tracing Center. They said Ellie had been in contact with someone who’d tested positive for Covid-19. They told me to call the number and talk with them before she returned to school. It was Tuesday at 9:30pm. I called my husband. We agreed I’d try to call the number in the morning. If I couldn’t get a hold of anyone before 7:15, when the girls leave to catch the bus, we’d keep them home. Ellie and Emily are twins. If Ellie is exposed, Emily is too. Better safe than sorry. The girls were already asleep, so he’d tell them in the morning.
The next morning I called at 6:30, no one was there. I called at 7. No answer. I texted Chad. He said he’d keep them home for the day. My job done, I sat in my cozy hotel room (it had a fireplace!) with a cup of coffee and the newspaper. A bit of quiet before the day’s meetings began.
At 8:15 they called me. The woman said we’d need to keep Ellie home “since she’s not vaccinated.” I was quick to correct her – both Emily and Ellie are fully vaccinated. “Oh, then as long as she doesn’t have any symptoms, she can return to school anytime!” It was too late to send them to school that day (they attend an alternative school that’s an hour bus ride each way), so we let them stay home.
When I got home that night, Chad warned me. The day we both assumed would have been a delight for the twins was met with tears and anxiety. We thought the girls would relish the idea of being at home. A day of watching movies or binging on Netflix. But, Chad had noticed Emily sitting on the couch, sitting still, looking down. Something was off. He stopped what he was doing and walked over to her. He asked if she was okay. Her shoulders started to shake. He put his arms out, she stood up, and he gave her a long hug. After a bit of a cry, Emily told Chad the last minute change in plans stressed her out. She wouldn’t be able to take her Spanish test. She’d been looking forward to her Career Connect class. And they’d have to take two buses to practice, instead of the one that goes straight from school to the field where they play Ultimate Frisbee.
None of these seemed worth stressing over. The Spanish test would be there the next day. Sure, two buses instead of one was inconvenient, but was it worth tears? For me or Chad, maybe not. But for the kids, it was.
When I picked Emily and Ellie up from Ultimate practice that night, I asked the usual, “How was your day?” Emily didn’t hesitate. “It was stressful having our plans changed at the last minute.” She was also quick to say, “I know it wasn’t your fault.” She wasn’t complaining. Her tone was matter-of-fact. Like she was declaring – this happened, it stressed me out, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, and I’m dealing with it. Then they both laughed a bit as they said the show they’d picked to watch was a bad one – it hadn’t helped their stress at all.
She was okay.
Anxiety isn’t something we’re very familiar with, yet. Chad and I will be learning as we go. Looking back on this situation, I’m so grateful Chad picked up on the queues that something was wrong and that he paused. Afterall, she was just sitting there. He could have walked right by. He could have realized something was a bit off but kept walking to his office so he could make his work call (he and I both have been working from home since Covid-19 started). But he didn’t. He stopped, sat with Emily, and gave her a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to. He made sure she was seen and heard. He didn’t judge her for being more anxious than he might have been in the same situation. He didn’t try to fix anything (like make a dramatic effort to drive her to school). He just let her be as she was at that moment.
The Frampton Clan 